KILLJOYSS DIED.

Elevationn
Elevationn
Elevationn
Elevationn
Elevationn

I appreciate it. Thanks guys :) I'm sorry, this is going to be short. Very short. I'll update tomorrow afternoon (I let out of school early. Then I have no school on Friday, so I'll make up for this.)

And as much as I love these moments we shared beneath the sun, giving each other those hidden glances, I wish they hadn't ever happened. I would trade the happiness that you've given me & the memories we've shared if my heart had never been broken.

Be thankful to have him as a friend,  because if you date him & then break up, that friendship can never be the same. And in those months that you don't have him as a friend, those will be the months you need him most, & you won't have him. He's a great friend, so don't wish for more than you have, because you have it better than anyone to have him be your best friend.

If I could tell you one thing, then I'd tell you everything. I'd probably say that you've been on my mind, since we sat on the driveway watching the stars, pretending that we were the only ones left in the world.

You hug him goodbye, like it's nothing, while all you want to do is hold on forever. But you let go, smile & walk away. Then you cry all the way home, because it will never be the way you want it. Try as you might, you can't make someone love you.

She wanted something else, something different, something more. Passion & romance, perhaps. Or maybe a quiet conversation in candlelit rooms. Or perhaps something as simple as not being second.

We're all so fake & desperate, blurting out "I love you's" after three days. Kissing before we understand what's happening. Making out before we know what we mean to each other. But in the middle of all that, I know we want this more than anything.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm even cut out for quote sites. At the start of this site, people were subscribing like it was going out of style. Now it seems as though it has went out of style. The comments I receive are from the usual people who actually take the time to comment me. Unlike a lot of others, who take my quotes & leave. The one's who actually do appreciate my effort show it. Thanks to them, no thanks to anyone who comes here frequently & manages not to leave me comments.

& we were only supposed to have some fun. iIwasn't supposed to  fall in love. But that was your plan all along. Make her fall & then let her hit the ground. Leave before she could admit what you had done.

Just once in my life I want someone else ot kiss first. I want someone else to lie awake & wonder what the right words are, if they'll be rejected, if they're ruining a great friendship. I want him to want me so much that he can't help himself, that he's willing to risk everything for a chance to be with me.

Now the sky is turning blue, the stars disappear one by one as the daylight is nearer. And yes, you're in my head, but that doesn't make you here. And I've lost all my friends, but you're the one I miss the most.

Energy has been spent trying to believe you're not worth it, you don't deserve it. But I wish you did, because I can't live without this. And I'll remember you as the second or two people I knew who decided to screw me over, because it's the bolder thing to do.

I've been running around for the past year trying to find some clarity & all of a sudden, it's so clear, it's ridiculous. I just want to be with you.

And everytime you feel like crying, I'm going to try & make you laugh. & if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we will wait for it to pass. And I will keep you company through those days so long & black.

Since it's all I have, I want to go to sleep & dream of you & me, just off the coast, on a holiday so long & warm & lucky. I always wake up in my bedroom all alone.

Nights when the heat had gone out, we danced together alone. Cold turned our breath into clouds. WE never said what we were dreaming of, but you turned me into somebody loved.

You're desperate in finding something else to please you. You've been searching your whole life for something to mute, change, or just distract you. Something to put inside of you to give you the illusion of life, cause you've always been barely alive.

And now everytime someone ruffles your hair or asks you to dance, everytime the full moon is out & everytime the sun paints the sky, he'll be all that's on your mind.

You know that point in your life when you realize that the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden, even though you have some place where you can put your stuff, the idea of  home is gone.

Sometimes you have something you need to say, but you can't, because the words won't come out, or you get scared & feel stupid. So if you could write a song & sing it then you could say what you need to say & it would be beautiful, & people would listen, & you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself. But all of us can't be songwriters, so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know we're thinking, So we'll never be able to get the chance to make things right again.

There are no bad words for the coast today. You never know why you felt so good in the strangest of places, like in waiting rooms & long lines that made you late & mall parking lots on holidays.

The light collects & projects your heart onto a movie screen. And if you close your eyes, we're always going to be that way, the way we were  that night.

It's Friday night, everyone's asleep. And now we're walking home. Our shadows grow underneath the streetlights till they're overgrown. A perfect end to a perfect night.

hey, more comments & subscribers. both of them seem to be going down.

our relationship? yeah. it's perfect in an aspect, but everything looks perfect from far away. we fight, we disagre, we get mad at each other, but we're both mature enough to realize that it was stupid & that no matter what happens, we'll always be in love. people always say that we're perfect together & so in love, & its true. but what t hey don't realize is that it took two years to get it like that. it took blood, sweat, & tears. it took me walking away for awhile for him to realize that i was the only girl in the world that was going to put up with his stupid mind games & childish bullshit. i had to walk away from him to realize i was the only one in the world who knew how he was & be independent at te same time. its hard to maintain what we have.

so this is when we finally learn the real meaning of change. you do things you used to be against, date the people you never thought you would, & befriend  the people you used to hate. you'll learn what its like to have your heart broken, to lose a friend that truly meant something to you & to feel as if everything is really falling apart. there will be points that your life seems so absolutely horrible it feels like its not real. despite all this, good things will come to. you'll make the most amazing friends that will be there for you even when they probably shouldn't be, your broken heart will heal once you find the most perfect guy you've ever met & just as nothing else can go wrong, things will only get better. there will be the days that you are so happy, & high & days you feel like dying. drama happens, gossip goes around & people talk. maybe this is middle school - maybe this is life or maybe this is what growing up is. with every bad thing comes something better. you just have to know that through everything there will be those people that help you get through it all & thats the only thing that matters.

i look at you & i see my best friend. your energy & your passion inspire me in ways that i never thought possible. your inner beauty is so strong that i no longer fear being myself, i know longer fear at all, i never thought that i could find someone to love that would love me back unconditionally & then i realized that although we are often apart, you are always with me, you are my soul mate, you give me purpose when i feel none. without you my soul would be empty, my heart broken, me being incomplete. i thank God everyday that you were brought into my life & i thank you for loving me.

cup your mouth to compress the sound, skinny dipping with the kids from a nearby town. & everything that i said was true, as the flashes blinded us in the photobooth.

its amazing what one person can do. some people build you up just to bend & break you. some people bring out parts of you that you had no clue existed. all throughout life we meet people & every single one of them brings something to us, gives us some sort of purpose. we come acorss people that hurt us so incredibly much that it seems impossible to on without them in our lives, but the truth is that we can overcome anything we want to if we believe in it enough. if we have faith in ourselves & who  we are,. the most important thing in life is to find yourself, know who you are at all times & stand by that for the rest of your life. no one has the right to tell you who you are or try to control your life because its yours. your life is meant to be lived by no one else but yourself. we sometimes let people get te best of us, destroy us & change our opinions on what we believe is true. only you can know what's right for yourself. you have the power, you make the choices & you learn. each experience we go through in life is a lesson to be learned. we all make mistakes, why is that so hard for some to understand? no one should be judged by the mistakes they have made. its past news. everything happens for a reason & without hard times, how would we ever realize our true strength? its only through a time of suffering when we realize how strong we truly are inside, when we realize how much we can actually put up with & deal with before we eventually break.

i felt the wind on my cheek coming down from the east & thought about how we are all numerous as leaves on trees & maybe ours is the cause of mankind, give love to make more, try to stay alive.

maybe we're not supposed to be happy. maybe graditude has nothing to do with joy. maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. appreciating small victories. admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. maybe we're thankful for familiar things we know & maybe we're thankful for things we'll never know. at the end of the day, the fact that we ill have the courage to still remain standing is enough reason to celebrate.

we fall asleep with the color of the sunrise, we count the years of circles under our eyes. we dream in shades of blue & grey. we speak in tongues of metaphors & stories. we bleed the ink of subtle allegory, we are the needles in the hay.

nothing you love is lost... not really. things, people - they always go away, sooner or later. you can't hold them, anymore than you can hold moonlight. but if they've touched you, if they're inside of you, then they're still yours. the only things you ever really have are the old ones you hold inside your heart.

just say what you mean & mean what you say. don't expect someone to read your mind & don't play games with heads or hearts. don't tell half truths & expect trust when the full truth comes out. half truths are no better than lies. don't be cold to someone you care about - indifference hurts more than angry words.

crisp leaves, coffee shops & long plaid scarves. autumn winds, photographs, & starry nights. our hands laced together & you squeezing me tight. i cant remember a fall ever feeling so right.

i remember it as though it were yesterday, the vacant frost thawing to bunches of celestial green, spring warm air lingering too long above the ancient brick structures, we'd slide beneath the skylines of leaves, life, clasped hands paying no mind to the blistering butter melt sun. she sang a little louder then, eyes closed, skipping fast through unforgiving highway forests & dwon the slopes of yesterday, it brought us back to this shallow empty clearing, contempt to remember things, ordinarily not in our sleepy minds. never mind our sticky anticipating jaws, itching for love & the zest of coverup orange peels, we'd made it, we'd found this place you read about sometimes, this true place we'd never want to leave, this place where (at the time,) we could swear we'd give anything for, for naiveté can drown us sometimes, even the best of us. there was a time when our afternoons, lazy, sun-bleached mess of melting days, were all i lived for, those out of place rain-on-asphalt, billows of sweet-smoke home inside ourselves days.  that was all i was. it was all we needed, too. the exhilaration of running from one home back to the next dried out chemical taste still in my mouth & i counted down, sixty two, sixty one, only sixty more days until im home, but what i never realized was that i was home alone all along. the inevitable consequence of finding a love greater than ourselves is that it simply cannot last... so it goes.

Oh,, the edges they fold & you suddenly find you are buried beneath a blanket of snow, you had no idea was even falling. You're sitting on a couch inside your home feeling cold. Oh, & nothings clear at all, you thoughts they have become so hard to find. With a question mark always slumped at the end of these awkward lines. All the simple words we loved to speak are no longer audible & I never thought with you & I this would be possible. I can feel the world coming apart, & I need you by my side with your delicate heart. So please don't leave, no, don't you run. don't be frightened by the storm, oh so bold & brave, just let it rain.

lets run away to a place where the air tastes like rain & the sun shines like Sunday morning. You bring your laugh & I'll bring my sense of humor, & we can taste the days, one week after another.

great job with subs & comments :) im satisfied, which is quite amazing.

if you're feeling frightened about what comes next, don't. embrace the encertainity. allow it to lead you places. be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart & your mind, as you create your own path towards happiness, don't waste time with regret. spin wildly into your next action. enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes; cause you'll never get another one quite like it. & if you should ever look up & find  yourself lost, simply take a breath & start over. retrace your steps & go back to the purest place in your heart, where your hope lives. you'll find your way again.

to let go isn't to forget, not think about or ignore. it doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. letting go is winning. it isn't losing. it's not about pride, its not obsessing or dwelling on the past. it isn't about loss & its not defeat. to let go is to cherish memories but to overcome them & move on. letting go is accepting. letting go is having the courage to accept change, the strength to keep moving. letting go is growing up.

life isn't all its cut out to be. it has its up & downs but you have to embrace those ups & downs & learn from them. you cant just sit back & mope & make people have pity for you. you have to put those things that are hurting you aside & live. you only get one life & that one life isn't that long. you have to do everything that comes your way. yeah, you might get embarassed, but in a month, no one will remember. you have to do what you feel is right. you cant worry about other people. just live life how you want to live it. don't follow examples, make them. let people follow in your footsteps. sometimes you just have to dance around & look like a fool. other times, you just have to sing as loud as you can in your underwear & most of all, you need to laugh. never go a day without laughing, or at least smiling. it doesn't matter if you've had the worst day, if you just laugh, everything will be okay. for the most part, just be you. don't listen to others. they're going to make fun of you, they're going to tell you that you're stupid. but that's their opinion. it only becomes true when you start to believe it.

laying there with your arms around me, i felt so comfortable & safe. my heart was beating a mile a minute having you so close to me. as you played with my hair & kissed me, i couldn't help but smile straight from my heart. i could see how much you cared from the look in your eyes. it made me never want to let you go. to just stay wrapped in your arms forever, where nothing else matters but me & you.

i guess i could regret it all & feel bad for myself, but as the saying goes, "never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection. nothing is lost that is born of the heart." it might not have ended the way i had imagined or hoped, but nothing really ever does. so i won't stay mad or bitter or sad. just disappointed. cause when you think you've found it, you don't want to lose it. but sometimes, its just out of your hands. they say things happen for a reason. i guess it just takes some time to figure out what that reason is. im hopeful that ill figure it out & in the meantime, ill be picking up the pieces.

& he said, "you're cynical & beautiful. you always make a scene. you're monchrome delirious. you're nothing that you seem. im drowning in your vanity. your laugh is a disease. you're dirty & you're sweet. you know you're everything to me. & i want to tear down your defenses til there's nothing there but me. you're beautiful when you're angry. your love is such a tease. im drowning in your dizzy noise. i wanna feel you scream."

now it's two o'clock. the club closed, we're up the blcok, your handfs on me, pressing hard against your jeans. your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out. you didnt care to know who else may have been there before.

im a mess of insecurities, attention starved with a narcissitic twist, don't you think that im amazing, please tell me im worth dating, i have every reason not to leave home today.

when is the age or even the moment when you go from being kids to being something else? people say that we're growing up too fast today. sometimes, adults make it sound like its our fault or at least our choice, but how can we not? we feel invincible. we know so much. one thing i don't know is that we're so eager to lose our innocence &  iwonder one day, we'll look back & wish we hadn't.

did you know what really made me fall for you? it wasnt the way you smiled at me when i walked in the room. nor was it the way you laughed at my jokes when they weren't funny. it wasn't the way you'd go out of your way to collect me from places when i felt low. nor was it the way you'd sit & hold me in your arms & tell me everything'll be okay. no. what really made me fall for you was the way you'd sit there for hours on end, listening to my problems, purely just so you could be with me. well, i just wanna tell you that the next time you walk in the room, ill smile. the next time you crack a joke that isn't funny, ill laugh. the next time you're feeling low, ill come out of way to pick you up. the next time you need reassurance, ill hold you in my arms & tell you everything's okay.

you might not be his first, last or his only. he's cared about someone else before & possibly will again. but if he cares for you now, then what else matters? he's not perfect, & you aren't either & the two of you will never perfect. but if he can make you laugh at least once, hold onto him & give him the most you can. he's probably not going to quote poetry. he might not be thinking about you every second of the day. but he will give you a part of him he knows you can break - so don't hurt him, don't change him & don't expect more than he can give. don't overanalyze. smile when he makes you happy. yell when he makes you mad & miss him when he's not there.

i think i noticed when things started to change. the hugs were quicker, the phone calls were shorter & weren't every night. we didn't hurry to the place we'd said we'd meet. the 'i love you's,' felt more like a forced, daily routine & really had no meaning. when we saw each other, the smiles weren't as bright or as big. our thoughts weren't only of each other. we seemed uninterested. we felt unloved. we had too many doubts. i thikn i noticed when things started to change.